He's Got Diminishing Hopes

It is on a night like this that one sits, looks out at the snow growing on his car, and wonders whether or not there is an end to this rut. Everyone asks which department I'm in, and upon discovering that this is my full-time job, is amazed that I work here like this.

But there's someplace that hed rather be
He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me,"
As the smile ran away from his face.
"Well I'm sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place."

You always hear of famous people, shining shoes or washing dishes, who dreams of a greater life. Seems that's always how the stories go. But what of the people that never do make it out? What of those that stay in these jobs forever and never leave their little world. I know Jennifer and I will move places, but I fear my life will be this kind of pattern.

The director of graduate studies from the English program was by today. She seems uncomfortable, despite knowing me, and that makes me all kinds of paranoid. What to do, I wonder.

Will I ever leave here? Obviously when we move, but before then? Will I ever get to do the things I want to do?

I think I'm stuck.

1 comment:

csperez said...

hi amish! i hope you get in. i am also applying to grad school (second year in a row if you know what i mean), and am also feeling barely hopeful. i hate all the waiting. anyways, just wanted to say HI