My friend very Justin and I each made a list of our top 25 Seinfeld episodes a few years back. I was reading over it just now and thought I'd post it on the blog. This especially seems like a good idea as I have wanted to post, but have nothing I want to post about, other than how shitty a week it has been not only for me, but for Jennifer as well. But this is more interesting. Maybe Justin will allow me to post his here also if I ask nicely! I should probably go back at some point and do a new edition with more of my own comments instead of these blurbs found on other websites. Anyways, read on:
The Top 25 Seinfeld Episodes
First Edition (January 7, 2002)
This list has been a long time coming. After many years of being a Seinfeld fan, I finally decided that I had to sit and make a list. 25 seemed like a fair limit for the list. Needless to say, it was quite difficult. How can you sum up one of the greatest shows in history so easily? It can’t be done, but I’ve tried. This is the first edition of the list and I’m sure several will follow. If you’re not a fan, I hope this will help. If you are a fan, what are your top 25 Seinfeld episodes?
1. The Hot Tub
George picks up a unique way of speaking after spending lots of time with some visiting out of town baseball officials. To this group everyone is either a bastard, or a son of a bitch. George starts using these terms at work and runs into difficulties. Kramer gets a hot tub. Elaine has an immigrant runner as a house guest and worries that he might oversleep so she lets him stay at Jerry's. Jerry sets his alarm clock, but Kramer shorts out the power with his hot tub so the runner wakes up late for the big race
2. The Library
A “library cop” tells Jerry that he has a library book, “The Tropic of Capricorn”, that is 25 years overdue. Jerry thinks through the past through a series of flashbacks with younger versions of himself and George. He recalls that George borrowed the book from him and never gave it back. Elaine feels her ideas are not to the liking of her boss at work and fears for her job. George thinks he sees an old gym schoolteacher that used to give him wedges. Jerry and George explain to Elaine what wedges and atomic wedges are. Kramer pursues a young librarian.
3. The Bubble Boy
George, Jerry, and Elaine travel to a cabin owned by Susan's father and spend some time there. Kramer was not invited but he finds his way their anyway and starts a fire at the cabin. Jerry's latest girlfriend sounds like Elmer Fudd when she laughs. George and Elaine agree to meet with a sick boy who lives in a bubble to protect himself from germs. Things are going well as the three of them play a nice friendly game of trivia pursuit. One of the questions had the answer "moops" rather than moors. The Bubble Boy says it is a misprint but George is adamant to have the Bubble Boy lose one question after he has made George feel stupid. George and the Bubble Boy get into a fight over this question, with the phrases "Moops" and "Moors" sounding in the background. The Bubble Boy tries to strangle George and then the bubble is popped figuratively as the Bubble Boy loses his bubble.
4. The Outing
A college reporter runs a story that George and Jerry are gay because the reporter misinterpreted a joke George and Jerry were trying to play on the reporter. Jerry struggles to prove that he is straight. The story about Jerry's gayness is run in the New York Post.
5. The Soup Nazi
A new soup restaurant opens around the corner and it seems no one can get enough of the soup. The owner of the restaurant is a bit eccentric and insists that customers follow a very stringent ordering procedure. He is known as the soup Nazi. One day Jerry and his girlfriend go to purchase some soup. After his girlfriend makes a mistake during the ordering, Jerry pretends he does not know her so that he may purchase some more soup. Elaine latter makes a similar mistake and is outraged. Elaine prepares to move a piece of furniture into her apartment but it is quickly stolen but two "hoods" after Kramer who was supposed to watch the piece decides to give it up rather than fight for it. Kramer talks with the Soup Nazi and the Soup Nazi agrees to give a piece of furniture to Kramer so that he may give it to his friend whose furniture was stolen. Elaine is delighted to receive the furniture as a gift and soon discovers its source, the Soup Nazi. After further examination of the furniture she discovers recipes for all of the famous soups that everyone so enjoys. She arrives at the Soup Nazi's restaurant and reads the recipes aloud and finishes by quoting the Soup Nazi and stating there will be "No more soup for you, Next!"
6. The Marine Biologist
A college acquaintance of Jerry and George asks about how things are going for George. Jerry tells her that George is now a marine biologist. George one day is walking on the beach and is asked to use his scientific knowledge to help save a whale. George fakes it as best he can. Kramer has difficulty with golf as he constantly hits the grass and the sand rather than the ball. Elaine watches as a Russian writer throws her electronic pocket organizer out of a limousine. It strikes someone in the head.
7. The Implant
Jerry dates a woman (Terry Hatcher) whom he believes has breast implants. He talks with Elaine and Elaine believes they are not real but becomes curious about this too. Jerry breaks up with her because he thinks they aren't real. One day Elaine is in the sauna with the woman and dives for her breasts as she pretends to fall. She discovers they are real. Jerry tries to get back with his previous girlfriend but its too late. Lawyer Jackie Chiles moves in on this woman and after an encounter exclaims that "They are real and they are spectacular." George goes to a funeral with his girlfriend and tries to get a half off special that is given to those who travel to attend funerals. He returns with no proof and attempts extreme measures to obtain proof but ultimately fails in his quest for the discount.
8. The Voice
After George's pretend handicap is discovered by his boss at Play Incorporated, everyone at work no longer treats him as someone who is special. He can't be fired since he still has a one-year contract with the company but they try everything to get him to quit. He is locked out of his office and his bathroom. But this does not stop George who crawls into his office via a vent and also gains access to his bathroom, which Jerry refers to as Xanadu (the great mansion in the movie Citizen Cane.) Jerry has a new girlfriend, Claire and her stomach makes some unusual noises which George and Jerry soon mock with a comedic accented "Hello." known as the voice. Claire hates the voice and she forces Jerry to chose between her and the voice. After George agrees that the voice is no longer fun to do, Jerry agrees to stop. But eventually temptation becomes too much and the voice is unleashed and Jerry loses Claire. Jerry bets with Elaine that she will get back with her boyfriend Putty even though she believes she won't. The next day Elaine arrives at Jerry's place with raged hair and the same clothes from the night before. She had been with Putty, even though she claimed it was just sex and "an isolated incident." Kramer is given an intern from NYU to help him with his fictitious firm Kramerica. The intern helps free Kramer from the mundane day-to-day tasks of life so that he can pursue more pressing matters. Ultimately Kramerica is discovered as the farce it is, and the internship is ended by NYU. The intern it seems has fallen under Kramer's spell so he plots with Kramer to test a giant Oil bladder. Ingeniously they bring it to the top floor of George's place of employment play, and drop it. Jerry's girlfriend Claire is hit with it and the ensuing mess causes Play Inc to go out of business. This makes George out of work yet again.
9. The Contest
The gang has a contest with a wager to see who can go the longest without sex. Jerry's girlfriend "the virgin" finds out about the contest and is disgusted. Elaine meets John F Kennedy Jr. at the gym and ends up spending the night with him. She is out of the contest. Kramer has sex with a neighbor that does everything in the nude for everyone to see. The Virgin after being upset loses her virginity to John F Kennedy Jr. George tells Jerry that he won the contest in the Puffy shirt episode, which came much later. In the last episode George admits that he really lied about this so Jerry really won the contest.
10. The Junior Mint
Jerry's new girlfriend has a name that rhymes with a female body part, but Jerry can't remember it for the life of him. After making out with her, he knows that it is just too late to ask her about this. He and George ponder what her name may be in the Coffee shop. George thinks aloud and comes up with Mulva, Bovary, and Arethra. The name still can't be remembered. Jerry spends more time with her and attempts to look in her purse to find out her name. She catches him and he says he was just looking for some gum or a junior mint. Kramer enters the room and Jerry gets Kramer to introduce himself to her in hopes that she would be forced to reveal her own name. It doesn’t work and then he tries the same thing when George enters the room. Jerry can only refer to this woman as "you." He mutters Mulva to her and inquires in a secretive way to see if this is her name. He then claims he has an aunt named Mulva and that her massages reminded him of her. She ultimately finds out that Jerry does not know her name and leaves. Just as she has left Jerry realizes her name and screams Dolores from his apartment. Dolores rhymes with clitoris a rather intimate part of the female anatomy. Elaine discovers that a guy she once went out with is in the hospital and is about to undergo surgery. She remembers him from the past as fat and feels compelled to see him in the hospital but has Jerry pose as a boyfriend so that the guy doesn’t get the wrong idea. Kramer also goes along to the hospital so that he can get some gloves to use in his apartment for redoing the wallpaper. In the hospital Elaine discovers that he has lost a lot of weight. He tells Elaine that after they broke up he was not able to eat for weeks. She naturally feels rather good about this effect she had on the man. Jerry goes to the corner and plays Yo Yo as Elaine tries to downplay her comments about Jerry being the boyfriend. Elaine arranges to have dinner with the man after the operation. She later tries to back out of this after she sees how he eats like a pig but Jerry won't help her with this. Kramer comments with the doctor about re tractors which he heard about on 20/20 and the doctors tells him that those re tractors will not be used. Kramer is invited to watch the operation; Jerry agrees to come to after commenting that it will be fun to see the guy cut open. Kramer snacks on Junior mints as the doctors operate and once even asks a doctor to move so he can get a better view. Kramer offers Jerry a mint but Jerry says no. Kramer persists and Jerry accidentally knocks the Junior Mint out of Kramer's hand and into the open wound of the man being operated on. Jerry and Kramer look on in horror and ponder what they have done. At first the man recovers from his operation but then falls very ill. George believes that the man may die so he invests $1900 in a painting by the man, which he refers to as "the triangles." If the artist dies the panting could be worth some money he presumes. The man ultimately gets better and the doctor tells the gang that powers from above were at work to stay off the infection. This was humorous as the Junior Mint fell from above and into the wound earlier.
11. The Puffy Shirt
Kramer dates a low talker or someone that talks very quietly. This girlfriend, Jerry, and Kramer eat dinner together and the low talker says something to Jerry. Jerry just acts agreeable because he can't tell what she is saying. Later he finds out that he had just agreed to wear a new shirt style during his guest appearance on the tonight show with Jay Leo. The shirt is known as the Puffy Shirt and resembles something a pirate would wear. Jerry at first absolutely will not wear the shirt, but then he hears that production of the ugly shirt has already begun and is dependent on his appearance with it on during his tonight show appearance. Jerry wears the shirt and Jay Leno pokes fun of him and everyone laughs. George moves in with his parents and is later discovered as a highly talented hand model. Jerry responds that a lifetime of avoiding manual work allowed George's hands to be as they are. Things are going great for George at first. He models watches and is very well paid. He walks around wearing oven mitts to protect his hands from possible hazards. He takes them off for a moment and is burned by a hot iron. His career as a hand model ended tragically just like another person in the industry he had heard of.
12. The Bris
Jerry, Elaine and George go to a hospital to witness a newly born child. Elaine and Jerry are asked to be godparents to the recently born child. They help arrange the Jewish ceremonies including circumcision. The rabbi they get to perform the operation is rude, and scary. He yells at Elaine for putting her glass near the edge of a table, which hogs all the room. Jerry holds the baby so the circumcision can be done. George faints after he sees just how mad the circumciser is. Jerry gets his finger cut and goes to the hospital. Kramer swears that he saw a half man half pig creature known as the pig man in the hospital. He goes to the room the pig man was in and finds nothing later. Kramer hears of genetic testing being done at the hospital and reasons that this proves the pig man is there. George thinks a race of mutant pig men is a good idea, as it would make him appear more attractive to women as they could say, "at least he isn't a pig man." Jerry replies that even with pig men there would be some female perverts that find the tail cute. The episode ends with Kramer running around the hospital with what appears to be a pig man on his back. Throughout the episode Elaine and Jerry make pig expressions by pushing their nose back with their hand to help describe Kramer's pig man search.
13. The Fusilli Jerry
Kramer gets vanity plates that he ordered some time ago from the DMV. They read ASSMAN, which was not what he requested, but he posts it on his car nonetheless. Kramer wonders just who the assman is. George's mother has had eye surgery and has been suggested not to cry or laugh because it could hurt her eyes. Jerry invents a new move he does during sex and is mad when he finds out that Elaine's boyfriend, a mechanic does it too. Elaine loves the move but Jerry convinces him to stop using the move since it was originally Jerry's. The boyfriend tells Elaine that he has other moves but she is not enthused. Jerry later needs the assistance of the mechanic so Elaine's boyfriend can use the move again. Jerry tells George about the move but he gets it wrong and uses a bit too much knuckle at first. But the next time around George gets it right as he wrote down the move and followed the instructions during sex. His girlfriend discovers this and is furious. Kramer makes a statue of Jerry out of fusilli pasta. George's dad Frank accidentally falls on it. Frank goes to the proctologist and explains that it was another of those "freak accidents that is one in a million." Kramer learns that the ASSMAN is a proctologist the same one Frank is going to.
14. The Jimmy
Elaine notices a new guy at her gym that she really wants to go out with. She tells George and Jerry how good-looking he is and discovers that men cannot admit when another guy is good looking. She tells George that just because you admit another man is good looking you are not homosexual. George replies that it doesn’t help. Elaine goes to the gym and tries to get the guys attention. She gets a smile and then the man is gone. She talks with another man at the gym about the man and the guy answers that Jimmy is unusual. Elaine believes that Jimmy is the guy she seeks. In reality she is talking to a man that refers to himself in the third person always. George starts to refer to himself in the third person too as he says, "George is getting mad." Jerry goes to the dentist and notices a Penthouse magazine in the reception area. Later when he is anesthetized for his dental work he awakes and sees the doctor and his assistant getting dressed. He wonders if his shirt was tucked out or in earlier and ponders if he has been violated or not. Jerry thinks this incident may make him "damaged goods." Elaine retorts with join the club. Kramer gets a fat lip and numbness after his trip to the dentist because his anesthetic has not worn off. A man who is throwing a foundation for the mentally handicapped notices Kramer and asks him to attend the foundation because he believes that Kramer is mentally challenged. Jerry tells Elaine that he really isn't far from that. Elaine invites Jimmy to go to the foundation with him. Jimmy gets into a fight with Kramer because Kramer broke his legs earlier. Kramer ends up with a swollen lip again. As he sits at the table in the foundation he appears retarded because of his speech and slur caused by his swollen lip.
15. The Hamptons
George is upset because everyone sees his girlfriend topless before he does. Jerry's girlfriend spots George nude after emerging from the pool and George attempts to explain the dynamics of "shrinkage." The gang makes a trip to the Hamptons to see a newborn child but everyone finds the baby is absolutely hideous.
16. The Race
Elaine dates a man who is a communist. She is fascinated with the nostalgia of dating a communist. The man talks with Kramer about communism. Kramer gets a job as Santa at a mall. His friend Mickey plays an elf. One boy sits on his lap and tells him what he wants. Kramer responds that he really doesn’t want what he thinks he does because its made in a third world country by someone not much older than he is. The small boy gets up, points, and exclaims "Commie, Commie, traitor to our country." Kramer and his friend Mickey are now out of a job. Elaine's communist friend causes George to glance at the Daily Worker, the newspaper of the American Communist Party. George notices the personals section and responds to an add placed by a woman that says, "Looks are not important." Jerry asks "Whose looks: Her's or yours?" George receives a phone call about the ad at work and Steinbrenner believes George is a communist. Jerry meets up with an old friend he beat in a race in High School. The friend insists Jerry started early which Jerry knew that he did. Finally Jerry agrees to race him again. This time a car muffle makes a loud sound just before the shot to race goes off. Jerry goes early and no one notices. He wins by a lot and jumps in triumph to the music from Superman.
17. The Dinner Party
George, Elaine, Jerry, and Kramer struggle to come up with gifts for a dinner party. Jerry and Elaine attempt to get a cake but find that they didn't get a number and have to wait in line again. When they finally have a chance to get a cake the only one left has a hair on it. George and Kramer shop for wine but George only has a $100 bill and the merchant cannot change it. George attempts to get change elsewhere. Kramer ultimately breaks enough wine that the $100 will just about cover it. George and Kramer wait for a person who has double-parked his car to move it so that they can get to their car.
18. The Parking Garage
George, Elaine, and Jerry spend all afternoon trying to find Kramer's car in a parking garage. George has to go to the bathroom but can find none so he urinates in a corner of the parking garage. A security guard spots him and he is arrested. Jerry also has to go to the bathroom and also is arrested. Jerry tells the guard that he could suffer from uroicidysis and die if he didn't relieve himself. Elaine's fish die in her apartment from neglect and Kramer hauls around a heavy air conditioner. This episode really illustrates that this is a show that can make something of nothing as the whole show is basically about a lost car in a parking garage. Level by level the gang searches, walking in circles, and going nowhere until they turn around and as if by magic there is the car.
19. The Chinese Restaurant
The gang plans to see the comedic Sci-fi spoof Plan 9 From Outer Space and attempt a quick meal at a Chinese Restaurant but find that the wait is longer they bargained for.
20. The Keys
Jerry becomes tired of Kramer constantly invading his privacy, so he takes away his spare keys to the apartment. Kramer feels that by losing the keys to Jerry's apartment he will be free to live on his own and will never again live under the shadow of Jerry. Jerry gives his spare keys, which originally were owned by Kramer to Elaine. Jerry finally needs the spare keys to get into his apartment and schemes with George to get them back as George has the spare keys to Elaine's apartment. George at first refuses to help Jerry but finally Jerry convinces George that he is just trying to get back what he originally gave to Elaine so it wouldn't be wrong to do at all. George and Jerry sneak into Elaine's apartment via the keys and discover Elaine's script for a Hollywood project. Elaine discovers their intrusion and is furious. Kramer travels to California and lands a small role in the Murphy Brown show. The key storyline is quite intricate and is one of the more cerebral Seinfeld episodes to follow but it’s quite a good one. A show that can be just about spare keys, really illustrates how this is the show about nothing.
21. The Opposite
George decides that whenever he goes with his instincts he always ends up worse off. He decides to go with the opposite of what he thinks he should do. Kramer appears on TV to promote an invention he got the idea for during an episode back entitled the Cigar Store Indian. The invention is a book that folds out into a coffee table.
22. The Lip Reader
Kramer becomes a ball boy for the US Open and brings Jerry along. Jerry feels attracted to one of the players and after urging by George gains the courage to approach her after a match and talk to her. She is deaf and Jerry goes out with her later. George and Jerry contemplate the powers of the deaf woman's lip-reading abilities. George and Jerry talk in a coffee shop about this and constantly conceal their lips by coughing and covering their mouths with their hands to thwart her lip-reading abilities. George wants to use the lip reader to learn why an ex girlfriend dumped him. Jerry says this would be exploitation. George responds lip-reading is like any other skill; just like juggling. Then they look at her and learn she could read everything they said and she says she will do it. George, Jerry, and the lip reader go to a party and use the lip reader to eavesdrop on the woman that previously doomed George.
23. The Pen
Elaine travels with Jerry to meet his parents in Florida at their condominium. The condo has climate control problems and a backbreaking sofa bed. One of Jerry's parents friends (Klompus) tells Jerry about an astronaut pen that can write upside down. After Jerry comments on how cool it is, he is offered the pen but refuses. The man then offers the pen in an ever-nastier tone until Jerry takes the pen. This man is to remember Jerry as the man that took his astronaut pen in future episodes.
24. The Non-Fat Yogurt
Kramer invests in a not fat yogurt shop but everyone who eats there gains weight. Kramer dates a lab technician. Jerry and Elaine have the yogurt tested by the lab technician after becoming suspicious as to why they are gaining weight. Elaine dates one of George's old friends that George swears is always trying to embarrass him. The friend runs a candidates campaign for mayor of New York. Elaine gives him an idea for his campaign for mayor; everyone should wear nametags. The campaign turns sour when the tests for the non-fat yogurt get mixed up with some lab tests of the candidate for mayor. Jerry gets caught swearing in front of a young boy who starts swearing too after that.
25. The Deal
Jerry and Elaine ponder if sex between friends can work. They devise a plan with rules that will allow them to enjoy the benefits of friendship and the perks of sex together. The ground rules they set include that spending the night over is optional and you don't have to call the day after. These rules are to prevent the typical awkward situations that plague sexual relationships. George hears of the rules and is intrigued. At first he thinks the deal cannot work but ultimately he is amazed. He asks Jerry for details about the relation with Elaine. He squirts a container of ketchup in the air as Jerry gets to a particularly interesting part. Things are working out well for Elaine and Jerry until Elaine's birthday comes. Jerry gives her cash. Kramer listens in on what Elaine has been hinting that she has been wanting and gets her a bench.